Buyers beware!

I went to the mall yesterday. Mistake number one. And for some reason, I felt compelled to go into American Eagle. Mistake number two. 

I made both of these choices for a couple of reasons. One, I need clothes. That's why I went to the mall. Second, the stores that I usually shop at are ridiculously overpriced, and I finally have enough self control to refuse to buy things from those stores. That's why I went to AE. It's not too pricey, and sometimes you can find an article of clothing that doesn't look like it's just been hit by a truck. But that's rare.

I walk in, and as is customary at most stores, I was greeted by an employee. I nonchalantly returned the hello and went on perusing. 

And then out of the corner of my eye, I noticed her: the over-zealous, trying too hard, acted like she was paid on commission employee. She was my worst nightmare. 

If you know me, you know I don't like most people. People just annoy me, and I prefer to stay away from most of them.

And just by the looks of her, I knew that she absolutely loved people, especially people who were shopping in the store that she worked for.

I tried to escape. Honest, I did. But the cat was quicker than the mouse, and she soon had me in her fiery throes, ready to pounce at any moment.

"Can I help you find anything?" 

Wow. That voice. She really needs to work on NOT sounding like Rachael Ray. And don't EVER ask me that question. If I needed help I would come and get you lady, but probably not.

"No, I'm just looking, thanks," I said. I even said thanks! I'm doing so well, given the annoying situation I'm being held captive under.

"Well, my name is Laura, and let me tell you about some of the deals we're having right now at American Eagle. First, if you're a linen guy, all of our linen shirts are on sale for... "

And on and on she went. Do you recall me saying "No"? And why do I care that your name is Laura? You didn't even ask me for my name! And yes, I know that I'm at American Eagle. And linen? Are you kidding me right now? I'm not looking for bed sheets, woman. She rattled on for a couple more months while my eyes started to glaze over.

I understand that Laura might be required to do this to every victim that walks into the prison without bars that is American Eagle. But that's what I don't get. Has anyone ever asked a worker for help with their shopping, besides the occasional, "Do you have this in my size?" Please tell me if you have, I'm dying to know. It's courteous of employees to ask, yes. But it's also unnecessary, and it could save that worker a lot of breath if she didn't have to repeat this mantra 24/7.

Those workers. They're always on the lookout, you know? They can't stop looking at the entrance, eagerly waiting the arrival of new customers whom they can pester. They may be folding clothes, but notice how they are constantly looking up in between shirts to see if anyone else has entered the premises.

Most shoppers decline a worker's help because they have two eyes and are competent enough to shop on their own without the help of some yuppie 16 year old girl who has gone tanning one too many times.

In my opinion, a mall should be a sacred place where one can come apart from the everyday hum-drum of life and spend lots of money on nice things. But pleasant experiences just aren't meant to be, especially when Laura enters the equation.

All I want when I go to the mall is a little time to myself, away from the troubles of my life, apart from the Lauras of the world.

And by the way, I didn't buy anything. Especially nothing that was linen in material.